How Assumptions and Anxiety Work Hand-in-Hand
Most of us make a fair number of assumptions on any given day. While assumptions get a bad rep, I don’t believe that they’re entirely bad. Sometimes, our brains need to grasp onto a thought or belief that’s quick and accessible, and sometimes, no harm is done. However, there are other times where assumptions can be anxiety-provoking, upsetting, and just plain inaccurate.
Although anxiety presents differently for different people, many people who struggle with anxiety find themselves overthinking, worrying, and getting caught up in thoughts about the worst case scenario. They may question what they said in a social situation, worry about what the other person is thinking about them, or fear that they’re upset or offended the other person. They might envision things going terribly wrong with both big or little aspects of their life, and may want to create a sense of control by planning out all of the details that can be planned.
I’ve found that it can be helpful in these situations to try to understand the role of anxiety. Anxiety’s goal is to try to prepare you for all outcomes, to get you to analyze situations so that you can respond and engage appropriately, and to keep you safe from things that could possibly go wrong. The trouble is that anxiety isn’t actually always helpful, and it often misinterprets a perfectly okay situation as a possible threat, leading to that feeling of worry, nervousness, or discomfort. This is when anxiety tends to jump in with assumptions that — let’s face it — aren’t always accurate.
For example, you might get a text from someone that comes across as a bit short. Perhaps the tone is bordering on tense, and it’s difficult to gauge from the information presented if the person is upset, busy, etc. Anxiety may pop in with an assumption that the person is mad at you, that you’ve annoyed them, or that they don’t want to talk anymore. Anxiety can also make it super easy to run with this assumption, which can lead to feelings of uneasiness, nervousness, or insecurity, to name a few possible reactions. These feelings might further impact your actions — perhaps you distance yourself from the person, and refrain from reaching out. Or, perhaps you continue to text them in an effort to seek reassurance by gauging their ongoing reactions and responses. Either way, it’s easy to see how these anxious assumptions can quickly take over the driver’s seat.
As we mentioned earlier, anxiety can be tricky because it often misinterprets situations. With that said, many of the initial assumptions that anxiety will try to feed you may not be accurate. In the example above, we actually have no idea what the other person might be feeling, what tone they intended to convey in their text, or if there are any negative feelings towards you. We aren’t mind readers! It’s entirely possible that there’s another explanation for the brevity of their text: for example, could they be busy? Tired? In between tasks? Having a rough day? Maybe they didn’t even realize how their text could be interpreted, and thought it was perfectly fine to send. The bottom line is that there are dozens of possible explanations that could challenge that initial anxious assumption.
When it comes to working with anxiety and anxious thoughts, there are a few key steps that can be helpful.
When you’re feeling anxious, take a moment to recognize what sorts of thoughts are going through your mind.
Ask yourself, “Do I know that this thought is accurate? Is there evidence to support it? Could there be another possible explanation?”
Begin to explore alternative reactions or thought processes.
Cut yourself and your anxiety some slack. Remember that, as discussed above, your anxiety is trying to help you — it just might not always do the best job! Notice the anxious thoughts and assumptions that are popping in, follow steps 2 and 3, and then allow yourself to let the thoughts go. I do realize that releasing thoughts and worries can be immensely challenging, so please check back at a later date for another blog post around this!
Disclaimer: This blog post is not a substitute for therapy or other mental health treatment, and is intended for educational purposes only.
